I do not know my reason, my “why” I do the things that I do. I simply exist. I live a life of sleep. Some days are better than others yet, all I do is sleep. Over fourteen hours or so a day. There are even days where I sleep over nineteen hours.

I am alive but do I live? Do I even know what life is? How am I supposed to exist in this world if all I do is dream? Even when I am awake.

Dreams of winning a lottery dreams of creating things deep in my imagination, my very essence, my soul. I am still a work in progress, after over forty years of life. Help me help myself. 

I know money is not the answer to my problems. In fact it may even make things worse. Yet I want to find out how it will affect my life, how it will harm me more. Or if not harm me how it can help.

I do not truly know what I would do with money beyond imagination, or how much that is to me. A massive amount of money would change things, for the better or worse is yet to be seen. Yet I want to see it.

Say I win the lottery tonight, Monday March, 3rd 2025. I would have an estimate of 82 million after tax. I have 12 million of that set aside to give to my family. I would be left with about 70 million. Yeah that is a lot to think about for myself. A lot of dreams I can fulfill. But would I act even with that much money? Or would it get worse in my ways and just let the money sit around? I do not even know.

I dream, big and small I want to have it all but in the end what is it all for?